Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
