He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
