Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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