Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
it's like heaven, but drunker
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
