I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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