i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
