If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
