So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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