The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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