It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
