yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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