Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
