wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
