I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I've blown a few things in my day
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
