is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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