His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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