Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I would fuck him just for his dog
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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