I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
