i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize