i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
