I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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