In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
