Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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