ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
