Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
