I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize