Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
