im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
