you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
