like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
