WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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