she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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