Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
