Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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