I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
