What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
