Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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