I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize