do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We named our party play list daddy issues
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
