Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
