So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
