whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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