There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
