Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
