i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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