I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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