okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
