i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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