drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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