turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
