Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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