Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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