I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
