I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
