I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
