I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
