My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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