Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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