...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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