I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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