My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize