God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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