Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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