is your mom at the bar?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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