Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
