I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
