i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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