I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
