the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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