thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This baby is an asshole
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
