I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
