oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
