she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
