check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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