the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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