i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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