Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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