Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize