Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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