My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
