Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
