as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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