Define "chronic" masturbator.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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