Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
