she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
