Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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