so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
