It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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