you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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