Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
