He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
they need to just BURY HIM!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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