I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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