i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You took a bar mat shot.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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