I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
