member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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