I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
