We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
