u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
