i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize